Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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