Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
