I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
