okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
