Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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