He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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