R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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