he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize