3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
