I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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