they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
