I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
