You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
