Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
