Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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