Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
