Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
