doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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