You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
