Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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