we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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