i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
