im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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