his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
