woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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