my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
