i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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