my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
