We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
