i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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