____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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