if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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