Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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