remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
