I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
