if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
