I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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