I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
