I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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