opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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