She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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