I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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