Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
