okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
