I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
