The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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