after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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