I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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