You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
