one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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