If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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