Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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