Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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