It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
