i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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