More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is wine microwaveable?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
