He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
