Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
