There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
