a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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