He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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