There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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