I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
