You can't motorboat a personality
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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