did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
