Porn is love you can see.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did I show you my penis last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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