I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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