What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There's even glitter on my cock...
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