i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
