you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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