i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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