i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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