Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
