so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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