3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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