What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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