i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
