god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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