is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
