Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I sprained my soul last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
