I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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