Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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