Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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