I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
