how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
