that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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