Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
