so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
